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Alan Shore: I think you should get a little band to play people off, you know like the Oscar's or the Emmy's...Just a thought.

Your honor 1: OK. Before we even get started, let's be clear on a few things. This time you will conduct yourself on a manner be fitting this court. You will address only the issues before this court and not derail yourself with a spieling rant that serves no purpose other than...What is that? Alan Shore: Oh I am very sorry. I have a tendency to not notice the little red light, so I programmed my tie to also alert me when I've been talking too long. Evidently my tie thinks that you have, though personally... Your honor 1: Turn it off. Right now! Alan Shore: Yes, sir. We go way back... Your honor 2: OK, Mr. Shore, your time is starting right now. Use it wisely. Alan Shore: Thank you, Mr. Chief Justice. Let me began by sending a special greeting to Justice Thomas. Justice Thomas! Still the \"Chatty Kathy\". OK. We are to begin. Your honor 1: Let's begin with your brief, which was conspicuously thin on case law. Alan Shore: That's because most of the case law doesn't support us, but let's be honest, this court isn't that big on precedent anyway. Am I right? I mean that we've had 200 years of the Supreme Court and not one to have found a constitutional right to bear arms but you happened to like guns, so what the hell. Established case law also tells us that torture and denial of due process are bad, but evidently you are in favor of both, so in the Guantanamo case...The big...Never mind! You people throw our precedent with the morning trashier. Your honor 2: Mr. Shore, I am curious. Alan Shore: That I didn't know. Your honor 2: What could possibly possess you to want to come in here and be cocky. Do you think this helps your client? Alan Shore: Actually, the reason I am a little cocky is because my client Denny Crane is a little guy here and the Supreme Court of the United States has always, always stood up for the little guy, as they did for Oliver Brown, a black man who fought for his third-grade daughter to be able to go to the same elementary school as her best friend who was white, though, of course, this particular Supreme Court has gutted \"Brown versus Board of Education\" because precedent, as we said, who needs that? But... Your honor 1: Counsel, I gave you an expressed directive to stick to this case. Alan Shore: Yes, it getting to it, your honor. You see, I happened to know the little guy is due in this court. That's why I am confident. The little guy has been taking such a beating of weight in this room. I just know he is due. Your honor 2: Oh, you think a little guy loses out with us? Alan Shore: Don't you? Come on. Enron, the makers of medical devices, tobacco industry has done very well here. This court heard seven antitrust cases in its first two terms and decided all of them in favor of big corporate defendants and of course the biggest player on the block, the government, always seems to win and then on the other of that particular see-saw, down there, stuck in the mud, we have the

losers, the criminal defendant. Forget it. My God. Just last month, you turned down the stay of execution for a Georgia man even though seven of the nine prosecution witnesses recanted. I guess you just couldn't be bothered with this innocence. Maybe it was a Friday and you had plans. Anytime you want a way in, Justice Thomas, just give me a little wave. Your honor 1: Counsel, I have plans today. I have a flight booked at one o'clock for a vacation which I have looked forward to for a long long time and I will make that flight, counsel, which means as soon as the red light blinks... Alan Shore: Yes, your honor, I promise that you will be out of here and on vacation in a jiffy and speaking for all Americans I give you permission to stay away for as long as you like, but first, there's this matter of a little guy. He is here in your courtroom and he is due for a win. My client has Alzheimer's. I know what you are probably thinking and you are right. Denny Crane is hardly a little guy. He is the very biggest. He is rich. He is famous. He is one of the giants of our profession. But that isn't really what makes him so... It's his enormous, foolish heart... It's his boundless generosity... Denny has a sense of wonder and innocence like a child with all of the world before him. He has that capacity for share joy that most of us somehow lose along the road to adulthood. Denny is my besy friend. I love him with all my heart. If I could yank that horrible disease out of his body, I would fight it and I would win, I would use every ounce of my strength and I would win if I get... But I can't. My best friend is dying of an incurable disease that will rob him of himself before it finally robs him of his life and I'm sorry. I don't give a damn what the case law says. The law...You simply cannot look a dying man in the eye and say you don't get the right to try to save yourself. The law cannot possibly say that and if it does, it needs to change, right now, today, today. Your honor 2: Our problem, Mr. Shore, we have to safeguard the masses. Our rulings don't reach people...one person at a time. Alan Shore: But why can't they? Make this ruling applied only to Denny Crane if you choose to. Just make it. Your honor, deeply imbedded in this court, in so many of its holdings, is the individual's autonomy and personal dignity. So, tell me, please, explain to me how that can apply here, because all I can see is the indecency of a disease that cripples the body as it rots the brain can only be exceeded by the inhumanity of knowing there's a drug could help but not letting him have it. Contrary to the public's perception, I think when asked, most judges and lawyers would say the reason they first went to law school was simply to help people. This man I love, my friend, desperately needs your help. I beg the nine of you to look within yourselves and rehearsal/reheard this question. Why did you go to law school? Why did you want to sit up there and wear that robe? Because today, this experimental drug isn't really Denny Crane's last best hope. You are. You are!